I guess, I've just been in such deep thought.
I walked in the theater building today, and I just don't know why everything got to me at that moment. I looked around that building... that building used to be my home, my safe haven. I ate, slept, laughed, cried, and felt so incredibly comfortable in that place.
Now, I just look around, and realize that this place means nothing to me now. It's a memory, and I can't help but to think *he* is the reason even a part of those have been spoiled for me.
I'm so bitter towards that place... but while I was there I just thought of all the memories I have. I mean, I could look around and picture everything.
And then I would watch people walk in and out of the classroom.
-I didn't recognize one.single.face.
And you know what's even sadder?
I didn't care to know them either.
Everything has changed. It was even wierd to see my name printed on a brick on that wall. It's wierd to think I was a part of this at one point.
But then I take a step back, and remember that I wasn't a part of this as it is now, but something bigger and better, back when it was worth something to say that you were in a play for the Greenway Theater.
I guess I'm just sad that everything had to go to the crapper. Everything had such potential, but then it was all simply swept away under the hands of a terrible leader.
And everything cracked.
To this day I kick myself for letting myself walk out of there. (despite the fact it personally may have been for the better) because I gave up. I let some stupid guy and a bunch of underclassmen with big mouths run me out. Run me out of my passion. Who would have thought that whatever the last day was that I stepped (welcomly) in that building was the last time ever I'd feel at home there?
Do you ever think about that? Like, how would it be if you KNEW that this was the last time you'd ever be in a place? -I can't explain it well, but it always crosses my mind how I took a lot of things for granted.
I quit drama at church. I had to... but I sit back and look at the last time i was there, that last hour that i spent doing that spy skit... was the last time I would ever be in youth drama.
Another chapter of memories had closed, and I didn't even know it.
God if I had a blank book and was told to write all of the memories I have of theater... I'd ask for a series.
Things just change in life... without even any consent. Nothing. You just one day look around and say,"Wow, when did I stop doing that?" or "When did I decide this?" and you really don't know.
That's why I look back at the last days of things... kinda in regret most of the time, wishing I could make something better of that day, or just realize that this is the end.
Like, I was almost positive I'd see Taryn again after I rushed out the door from saying a quick goodbye last time I was at church.
-Who would have thought, that was my last chance before she moved across the globe.
Little things... you know? Little things that you look back on and realize they meant more to you than you even let YOURSELF believe.
I wrote a novel.
I'm sorry...
I understand leaving things behind leads to progression... but it's still sad to look back on memories that just died. But, at least I'm lucky enough to have them as memories.
Love y'all.
<3
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